By Randal Terrell

Our Stories Can Help Other People

One of the things I have learned through my experiences with mental health, addiction, recovery, and the legal system is that our personal stories can have value. The mistakes we have made, the consequences we have experienced, and the lessons we have learned may help someone else avoid making some of the same mistakes. Sometimes hearing from a person who has actually lived through something can reach us in a way that general advice cannot.

That is one reason I believe in sharing parts of my story. If something I have experienced can help another person recognize a problem earlier, seek treatment, make a better decision, understand recovery, or simply realize that life can improve after difficult circumstances, then there may be a purpose in talking about it. However, I have also learned that sharing my story does not mean I have to share everything with everyone.

Not Everyone Needs to Know Everything

There is a difference between being open about recovery and giving every person access to every detail of my life. I have become selective about what I share, who I share it with, and why I am sharing it. If I genuinely believe someone could benefit from something I have experienced, I am usually willing to talk about it. If I believe someone is simply looking for personal information because they are curious, nosy, or interested in gossip, I do not feel obligated to satisfy that curiosity.

My personal experiences should not automatically become someone else’s entertainment or conversation around the dinner table. Some parts of my life may be appropriate to share publicly, while other parts belong to me and the people directly involved. Having boundaries does not mean I am ashamed of my past or trying to hide from it. It simply means I recognize that I have the right to decide what parts of my story serve a purpose by being shared.

Once Information Is Shared, We Cannot Always Take It Back

I have seen people reveal deeply personal information and later wish they had been more selective about what they shared. Unfortunately, once information is out, it can be difficult or impossible to put that genie back in the bottle. Someone can repeat what we told them, information can be taken out of context, and something shared during a vulnerable moment can eventually reach people we never intended to know about it. Sometimes personal information can even be used maliciously against someone.

This is especially important today because information can travel far beyond the original conversation. Something shared online, through a text message, in an email, or on social media may remain available long after the moment when we decided to share it. This does not mean we should become afraid to talk about our experiences. It simply means that it is worth thinking about what we are sharing before we share it.

Sharing Should Have a Purpose

Before discussing something personal, I try to consider whether sharing the information serves a meaningful purpose. I ask myself whether the information is relevant to the conversation, whether my experience could help the person I am talking to, and whether I would be comfortable if the information were repeated to someone else. If I believe sharing something could genuinely help, I may decide that it is worth discussing. If the information adds nothing useful and simply exposes another private part of my life, I may choose to keep it to myself.

I do not believe recovery requires me to walk around telling everyone I meet every detail of everything that has ever happened to me. I can be honest about my journey without giving everyone unlimited access to my personal history. Privacy and honesty are not opposites. I can tell the truth while still deciding how much of that truth is appropriate for a particular person, conversation, or situation.

I Can Share the Lesson Without Sharing Every Detail

Sometimes the lesson from an experience is much more valuable than every detail of what happened. There are parts of my experiences with mental health, addiction, treatment, recovery, and the legal system that I believe can help other people. Those are generally the parts I am more comfortable discussing. There may be other details that do not contribute anything meaningful to the lesson I am trying to communicate, and I do not necessarily need to share those details.

I can acknowledge that I made poor decisions during difficult periods of my life and explain what I learned from those decisions without describing every person, conversation, event, or private circumstance involved. I can talk about the consequences of my decisions without revealing information that belongs to someone else. I can discuss how recovery changed my thinking without telling every detail of what happened before that change occurred. This allows me to be truthful about my journey while still maintaining reasonable boundaries.

Recovery Is Not About How Much Personal Information I Can Reveal

I have participated in many therapy and recovery groups where people share extremely personal experiences. Sometimes people go far beyond the subject being discussed and reveal information that may not actually be relevant to the topic. There is nothing necessarily wrong with doing that if the person understands what they are sharing and is comfortable with everyone in the room knowing that information. At the same time, another person may choose to share much less, and I believe that can be okay too.

Recovery, to me, is not measured by how many private details I am willing to reveal. It is about what I can learn from other people’s experiences and what useful lessons other people may be able to learn from mine. There can be tremendous value in openness, but there can also be tremendous value in discretion. Sharing more does not automatically mean someone is taking recovery more seriously, just as maintaining reasonable privacy does not mean someone is refusing to face the past.

Why I Prefer to Use “I” Statements

When I participate in group discussions, I generally prefer to use “I” statements. I talk about what I experienced, what I thought, what I felt, what I did, what I learned, and what helped me. There is an important reason for this. My personal testimony is the information I know that I can stand behind because it comes from my own experience.

I can say, “This is what helped me,” without claiming, “This is what will help you.” I can explain a mistake I made without assuming another person’s circumstances are identical to mine. I can talk about what recovery means to me without pretending that my path is the only path. Using “I” statements also helps me remain focused on my own responsibility instead of telling other people what they should think, feel, or do.

Personal Experience Can Be Powerful Without Becoming Universal Advice

One of the greatest values of sharing lived experience is that we do not have to pretend to be experts on everyone else’s life. My experiences belong to me, and someone else’s experiences belong to them. There may be similarities between our journeys, but there will also be differences.

When someone tells me what they went through and what helped them, I can listen and decide whether something from their experience might be useful in my own life. They do not have to convince me that their way is the only way. I try to approach sharing my own story the same way. I am offering my experience, not issuing instructions. The person listening can decide what, if anything, they can take from my experience and apply to their own life.

Boundaries Are Part of Recovery

There was a time when I might have thought that being completely open meant answering every question someone asked me. I no longer see it that way. Someone asking me a personal question does not automatically create an obligation for me to answer it. I can decide that something is private. I can decide that a subject is not relevant. I can also decide that I do not trust someone’s intentions enough to discuss a particular part of my life.

At the same time, I do not want fear of gossip or judgment to prevent me from sharing experiences that could genuinely help another person. The challenge is finding the balance between openness and privacy. For me, that balance comes down to purpose. If sharing something serves a meaningful purpose and I am comfortable sharing it, then I may tell that part of my story. If it serves no purpose beyond satisfying someone’s curiosity, I am comfortable keeping my personal business personal.

The Right Story at the Right Time Can Make a Difference

There are moments when sharing something personal can create a meaningful connection. Someone struggling with addiction might benefit from hearing how another person recognized a problem. Someone experiencing mental health difficulties might benefit from knowing another person sought treatment and continued moving forward. Someone dealing with consequences from past decisions might need to hear that life does not necessarily end because they made serious mistakes. Someone involved with the legal system might learn something valuable from hearing about another person’s experiences navigating difficult circumstances.

In those situations, our experiences can become something more than memories. They can become lessons. We may not be able to change what happened to us, but sometimes we can use what happened to help another person make a better decision. That gives difficult experiences a purpose they might not otherwise have.

Helping someone, however, does not require giving them every chapter of the book. Sometimes one chapter is enough. Sometimes one page is enough. Sometimes a single lesson learned from years of struggle is all another person needs to hear.

My Story Still Belongs to Me

Recovery has taught me that I can be open without giving up my privacy. I can acknowledge my past without making every detail public. I can share difficult experiences without allowing those experiences to become my entire identity. Most importantly, I can decide when my story has something meaningful to contribute.

I want the difficult experiences in my life to have value whenever possible. If something I have learned can prevent another person from making a mistake I made, encourage someone to seek help, help someone understand recovery, or give someone hope that life can improve, then I am willing to share that part of my journey. At the same time, I understand that not everyone who asks about my life needs to know my personal business. Curiosity alone is not enough reason for me to surrender my privacy.

Sharing With Purpose

For me, recovery is not about telling everyone everything. It is about learning from the experiences of other people and allowing them to learn from mine when there is something useful to share. It is about understanding that lived experience can be powerful without believing that every detail of our lives needs to become public information.

I want to share my story with purpose. I want to talk about the experiences that might help someone struggling with mental health, addiction, recovery, or the consequences of past decisions. I also want to protect the parts of my life that do not need to be shared. I have learned that I can do both.

My story is mine to tell. Recovery gives me the opportunity to decide which parts can help someone else, which parts should remain personal, and when sharing my experience can turn something difficult from my past into something meaningful for another person’s future.